Hello beauty and welcome to season 4 of Coffee with Sims!
It has been a hot minute since we’ve sat down and had coffee together, but we’re back.
If you haven’t caught up by now, we’ve added a beautiful baby girl to the family. You can meet baby girl here.
Naturally, my first post will be about all the postpartum feels of course.
So, let’s get into already, don’t forget your cup of Joe.
I don’t know why, but as I type that word it feels heavy. Heavy in a sense that there’s so many things that postpartum encompasses. When I think about postpartum mental health, body image, and balancing being a mom of two immediately come to mind.
Throughout my entire pregnancy falling into postpartum depression was a concern, because I did not want to go back to that place. As we got closer to my delivery date, I remember looking at Mo, my husband, and telling him, “Please make sure you check in with me and make sure I’m good. Just remember to be present.”
Fast forward to delivering baby girl, I remember trying to get Asiyah to latch and it was an absolute no go. I immediately felt a rush of disappointment run over my body. I tried every hour or so and to no avail gave in and fed her formula. I know my nurse could see it because she kept reminding me that its okay if Asiyah doesn’t immediately latch and to give her time. And I don’t know why, but I had to be reminded that if it came to it I could just pump + bottle feed. That made me feel a bit better, but I was still sad because I see breastfeeding as a bonding moment. Everyone is different, but breastfed is what I want for my kids. She did finally get the hang of latching within a week and I was too happy about giving away the formula to other moms in need.
Asiyah was born early afternoon on May 12 and on May 13 I was home. I didn’t feel comfortable at the hospital and felt as though I could start my recovery process in the comfort of my home. Plus, I was just ready to go. When we got home it hit me, I’m going to need to recover.
Hold on. Let’s pause.
Back to recovery. I was tired, there were moments where I felt stressed, overwhelmed, and not really knowing how to manage my time. My mom helped out so much with that. She took the night shift with baby and that gave me time to sleep in. She helped me take her baths. I didn’t have to worry about what to eat. I was able to just breathe.
I’d say for the first month of Asiyah’s life I was just going with the flow of things and doing some light yoga because my body was a complete wreck. I DO NOT remember feeling all of this with Ashraf. Then once I hit 6 weeks, my workouts got more intense … I was humbled in the process. I was trying to find ways to stay organized and keep the house clean. Figure out next steps in my life professionally. Searching for what my social life is going to look like. Being a good mom not only to Asiyah, but also Ashraf. Being a good wife. The list can go on, but I’ll stop there.
There were so many things to do that I never stopped to check in with myself. Mo did do a great job with periodically checking in with me and recognizing when I was overwhelmed or put too much on my plate. My family and friends have been amazing as well, randomly checking in and make sure I was okay. I hope they all know how much that meant to me. But it really made me stop and think … Like, am I okay? Am I really handling this postpartum stage with this much grace? I’d laugh it off and tell them yeah surprisingly I’m okay.
Because this time in life there have been a few unexpected challenges and it’s beautiful to see how I’m handling it all.
I’m happy to say that I am doing good, much better this time around. Don’t get me wrong some days are hard. I feel exhausted and alone. Sometimes I feel left out, because my social life is pretty non existent but then again I’m fine with just being in the house with my family. On the hard days, I pause and take a deep breath. And I do what I can do in that moment. There’s time when I’m just like well nothing is getting done today.
There are two things that really are trying to bring me down, but I think I’ve grown so much as a person since having Ash that I’m more aware and know how to “fix” it. The two things are body image and mom guilt.
Body image. I worked my but off to lose over 80 lbs my first pregnancy. This time around I only gained 40 lbs, but still have 60 to lose. I love working out and I know I’m not going to see change over night, but I’d be lying if I said that I’m avoiding some things because I’m not where I want to be. You know … I just really hate to even admit that, but its something that I quickly check myself on, and remember to take it one day at a time.
Mom guilt. It NEVER goes away. As a mother you are always looking for ways to do more for your child. I don’t feel any mom guilt for Asiyah as much just yet, but for Ashraf its there, LOUD & CLEAR. My days are so wrapped up around Asiyah and marking things off my to-do list that doesn’t include Ash. At times I find him so immersed in his electronics that it eats at me, because I know I’m doing him a disservice. Happy to say that I am actively finding time out of my day where its just Ash and I because I still want to keep the bond alive and strong that I’ve built with him. Again, I know this is an expectation I have set for myself. I truly believe I’ve created an amazing foundation for my family, so that he feels loved at all times.
Postpartum can come with a lot of feelings and emotions and I think I am doing great. It’s not perfect, but I’m making sure that I take care of me when I can. It’s important for new moms to take a step back and be aware of how they are feeling. Honestly, its important for everyone to do that.
In this new season, I’m loving reconnecting with myself and finding the joy in the little things. I’m embracing not only good, but the bad days too because I know the day will come where I want to relive these days. To any new moms out there don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself grace. If something feels off or things are becoming unbearable talk to your OB, therapist, or a friend. Please don’t hold it in.
My last words of advice. Be kind to yourself, lean on your circle.
Till our next coffee date.