Hello February, the month of love.
February is not only for Valentine’s but a time to remember to give self-love. Fostering relationships with family and friends and giving love to others.
In today’s episode, we will be talking about being gentle and loving ourselves.
In 2018, I experienced postpartum depression shortly after giving birth to Ash. It got to the point where I was taking medication. Thankfully, I noticed I was starting to have severe anxiety if I went without the meds and I decided a more natural approach would be best.
I went through my depression up until about July of 2021, yes … last year.
My depression lingered for about 3 years on and off till about last year July 2021. Can you believe it?
Throughout those 3 years, 2020 was pretty bad. It was to the point that I felt like I was suffocating and couldn’t get out. I was extremely unhappy, but I could only feel the feels for so long … there was a tiny human depending on me. I had to keep my home together, but still try and manage my emotions.
That year on my birthday I went to Hg Supply with a small group of friends and somehow therapy became the topic of discussion. My friend gave me his therapist information and I wasted no time getting in touch with her. I emailed her. Facebooked her. Called and left a voicemail. Like, there were no games being played. I was desperate to pull myself out.
The following month, August 2020, I met with her, and funny enough she pointed out that my focus was on others, not myself. Problem #1!
I wasn’t focusing on myself as much as I should. I was worried about what everyone else was doing and how I can help them solve their problems rather than my own. Once I finished helping others then I would think about myself.
Our sessions centered around learning to put the focus on me. I was learning how to take care of myself. Understanding that I wear a lot of hats and it is okay to show myself some grace. I met with her religiously until December 2020.
Through that period, she made me feel empowered. I felt good after every session. I was starting to put more focus on myself and what I wanted. We did all the exercises. I had homework again. It was just a beautiful thing honestly and helped me in more ways than I can express.
Then 2021 rolled around. There were certain situations that would trigger feelings and I’d fall into a slump again, but I learned how to really take those feelings head-on and deal with them. A few months pass by and life just hits me hard. I mean, it makes me sick just thinking about it. June 2021 is on my top 3 list of hardest moments of my life. But probably also on my top 3 lists of positive life-changing moments for me.
I don’t know how to explain it, but I think if I didn’t experience being broken down to the lowest, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I was broken, but I was finally choosing myself. I was finally fighting for everything that I wanted. I was at my lowest, but it was me evolving into my next phase as a woman sort of speak.
It took about a month to somewhat feel good. I celebrated that with my girls on my birthday, remember my theme, Celebrate Life with Simmy. From that point on, I made it a point to show myself love in every single way. No one can make you happy, but yourself. That’s another thing I learned in therapy, my happiness cannot be dependent on those around me. I started showing up for myself more. What did that look like? I’ll list a few below.
- Working out, uninterrupted. Which resulted in 4:00 am mornings becoming a thing.
- Bubble Baths 3-4x a week, plus face mask. Listen I don’t know what it is about Epsom salt and bubbles, but I didn’t limit myself to running a bath followed by a facial to decompress from the day a few times a week. Why limit self-care to only one day of the week!?
- Therapy. Decided it was time to start that back up even if I feel like everything is perfect.
- Hanging out with my girls. If not for my girls where would I be, right?
- Journaling. Setting aside time to write my thoughts daily instead of just on the bad days.
- Saying no.
- Ignoring the bs.
- Resting. Sleeping at east 6.5 – 8 hours.
The list can really go on, but I made myself a priority. If I wasn’t happy then how would I be able to show up for my husband and son, my family, and friends? I am just in that “me season” right now.
2022 is all about me.
I am still becoming and evolving. I have to remember that and not judge myself so harshly. Learning to appreciate the growth and all I have accomplished up to now. Despite the nonsense that has tried to interrupt my life.
I love me. And I guess I wrote this as a reminder. Remember to be kind and show yourself, love. Because you’ve also come a long way and there was a time when things were such a mess and you thought you would never recover. I hope you are smiling right now because you should be proud of where you are right here at this moment. Live the life you want to live. Find your sense of self and celebrate it. Make sure you nurture it as well because you’ve fought to be the person you are now.
It’s me season beauties.