Figuring It Out As I go : My Two Week Check In

I feel pretty good about where I am mentally right now. I am aware of what I am putting into my body, though I am not obsessing over it. I’ve decided that the best route for me is to not go cold turkey and completely try to eat clean out of the blue. Instead, I am focused on making small, sustainable changes. Starting with cutting back on eating out and cooking more at home. That alone is a win.

But this journey is not just about food or fitness. It is about finding a system that works for me. One that allows me to show up for my kids, keep my energy up, and still take care of myself without feeling like I am constantly running on empty. Because right now, I’m tired. And I know why.

Food, Logging, and Awareness

There have been a few challenges I faced last week. I started logging my food last week, but I only made it three days. Not because I forgot, but because it started feeling like too much.I do not measure everything I cook, and trying to track every single ingredient became overwhelming.

I still want to log what I eat, but without the numbers. Instead of stressing over exact portions, I am focusing on how my food makes me feel. Does it keep my full? Do I feel energized after? Or am I sluggish and exhausted? That is the kind of awareness I am aiming for.

Nighttime snacking is something I know I need to work on. I do not always reach for food because I am hungry. It is just a habit and habits are hard to break. Going forward, I’m going to be more intentional about recognizing why I’m reaching for a snack. Is it true hunger, boredom, or just routine? I’ll try to start pausing before grabbing something and asking myself if I actually need it. If I do, I’ll opt for something that fuels me rather than something that just satisfies a craving in the moment.

Adjusting My Workouts to Fit My Life

I want to move my body daily, but I am tired. And no, cleaning the house does not count, at least not for me. I do not want to force myself into unrealistic expectations, so I am finding a rhythm that works.

Some days, I wake up early and get my intense workouts in. Other days, I sleep in and move later in the day, whether it is a walk, yoga, or something light. On Tuesdays, since I go into the office, I skip the early workout and let my body rest.

It is about balance. If it were up to me, I’d push hard every single day, but now I am having to remember to be intentional about rest because it is just as important as being consistent with workouts.

I also want to start logging my workouts, not just to track what I did, but to see how different workouts affect my energy and mood. Some days, I finish feeling strong and accomplished. Other days, I feel drained. I want to figure out what is working for me, not against me.

Life Looks Different Now

I do not know what I am doing. I am just doing my best.

I say that laughing, but it is the truth. There is no guidebook for this. I was already handling so much while my husband was sick, and now that h is gone, that weight has multiplied by a billion. I have to be everything, all the time. And it is exhausting.

But what I miss the most is the comfort of knowing he was there.

Even on the days when I was doing everything myself, he was still there. I could talk to him. Cuddle with him. I could sit next to him. I was not navigating everything alone. And now, I am.

It is why my mind never slows down. I have been operating at full speed when it became clear that he was not getting better. And now my brain is constantly running through lists of things to do, things to fix, and things to handle. There is never a pause.

Finding the Pause

I keep saying I need to take a moment for myself, but the only time I stop ,moving is when I physically cannot anymore. That is not real rest. That is exhaustion.

I do not want to wait until I am too drained to move before I allow myself to sit down. I need to be intentional about slowing down before I have to.

I have been thinking about ways to create those moments, but then the reality creeps in. Where is the extra time? It is not easy, but I am working on it.

Next week, I have a Galentine’s dinner with my friends. I am excited for it, but also scared. It feels weird to be going out again, to be taking up space in the world in a way that does not revolve around my responsibilities. But I know I need to.

Even if I do not have all the answers, I know this. I cannot pour from an empty cup. If I do not take care of myself, I will not be able to show up fully for my kids.

Prioritizing My Health

I had my first appointment with my new primary care physician, and so far, so good. I really like her and the staff. I am not going to sit here and say I found the best place ever, because let’s be real it has only been a day. But I feel good about the switch.

Having a doctor who listens matters. One who does not brush off concerns, who does not make you feel like you are asking for too much when you want comprehensive blood work, who actually cares about your long-term health.

This is a huge part of my wellness journey because it is not just about weight loss.I need to make sure that everything internally is working the way it should. My energy has been off, and I know grief plays a role, but I want to rule out any other underlying issues.

I have always been good about my yearly checkups, but this is the first time I am really trying to build a relationship with a provider. Someone who will know my history and see me through the next phase of my life.

Updated Measurements

I know the scale is not the only measure of progress, but I do want to acknowledge a small win, I weighed in at 229.8 lbs. It’s a small drop, but it’s a step in the right direction. It also reassuring when multiple tell me that I look like I’ve lost weight. That reminder is helping me stay focused on the bigger picture. How I feel, how my clothes fit, and the non-scale victories that show real progress!

• Waist – 38 inches
• Hips – 48 inches
• Chest – 37 inches
• Thighs – 30 inches
• Arms – 15 inches
• Neck – 13.5 inches

So, What’s Next?

I am testing new systems. One of those systems is logging workouts and meals in my journal. This way I’m not only tracking what I did, but reflecting on how it makes me feel. I want to note my energy levels, mood, and any patterns I notice. This isn’t about strict tracking, but about paying closer attention to what’s working for me and what’s not. Small, sustainable steps that help me build awareness without getting overwhelmed. I am figuring out what works and I am learning to let myself pause.

This is not just about losing weight. It is about feeling good. About having energy for my kids. About building something sustainable that actually makes sense for my life now.

I do not have it all figured out yet, but I know I am showing up. And that’s what matters most. I am showing up for myself, for my kids, and for the life I’m rebuilding. This journey isn’t linear, and I know there will be ups and downs, but I’m giving myself grace. The goal isn’t perfect, it’s progress. And every day, I’m taking one more step toward feeling stronger, more present, and more in tune with myself.

And for now, that is enough.

With love,