Hello and good morning beautiful people.
It’s a beautiful Sunday morning, and I can’t help but dread the cold front coming for Dallas. I have my coffee in hand, and I’m ready to chit-chat with you all.
Life just isn’t giving what it’s supposed to give right now. Losing someone you’ve woken up to every day, who knew you inside and out, just isn’t something you can prepare for. It’s not for me to fully understand, so we move.
Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to get it together. There are so many things that aren’t adding up. The house feels chaotic with clutter, no matter how much I clean. I’m always tired, always stressing, always on the go, even when I’m sitting still. I just want to wake up to calm, everything in its place, my mind at peace.
I’m not working out consistently like I used to. I barely dress up anymore. I’ve told myself that when I go into the office, I’ll make an effort. Hair done, a little make up … just presentable. Not for anyone else, but for me. I miss feeling put together, feeling like myself.
So, I made a hair appointment. It’s a small step, but it feels big to me. I can do my own hair, sure, but there’s something about sitting in that chair and letting a professional take care of you. It’s a little bit of self-care I used to prioritize, and I want to get back to it.
Same with working out. I recently bought a new pair of running shoes. At first, I hesitated, wondering if I’d even use them. But fitness has always been a huge part of my life. I miss that version of me, feeling strong and energized. I’m laughing just thinking about how my husband would tease me about them. He always said my running shoes were ugly, and honestly they aren’t the most aesthetically pleasing shoes.
Grief has a way of throwing everything off balance. It’s been months since I lost my husband, and while I’ve found ways to keep going, the sadness and longing are always there. I miss him in the little moments when the house feels too quiet. Times I realized, I wish he was here to step in and tell me to take a break, or when the kids do something I know he’d love.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about routines and how much I miss have one. In my ideal world, I’d wake up early, pray workout, take my time to getting ready for the day, and have a quiet start to my morning with no rushing. That feels like such a dream right now. My mornings feel anything but calm, and I hate it. I feel like I’m always chasing time, never fully catching up.
But, I’ve realized I can’t sit still and let life pass me by. The man I married wouldn’t want that for me. If there’s one thing my husband believe in, it was making the most of the time we’re given. He’d want me to keep going, to take care of myself, and to find joy again.
This season of my life is about resilience. Surviving, yet, but also thriving. I don’t want to just get through the days. I want to feel alive again. I want to create new traditions with my kids, find joy in the little things, and keep my husband’s memory alive in everything we do.
It’s not easy. There are moments of deep sadness, moments where the weight of it all feels too much. But there are also moments of gratitude … gratitude for the time we had, for the memories we made, and for the strength I didn’t even know I had.
This is where I’m at. It’s messy and emotional, but it’s real. If you’re here reading this, thank you for being along for the ride. Let’s see what this new chapter has in store.
With love,
Leave a Reply