Reflections 2024: Love, Loss, and the Journey Forward

As I sit here, reflecting on the close of 2024, I’m overwhelmed by the emotions and experiences this year brought. This year has taught me more about love, loss, and resilience that I ever imagined possible. My husband’s passing in October marked the end of a chapter I wasn’t ready to close. The thought of starting a new year without him feels surreal, like stepping into a world I don’t fully understand.

I want to quickly take it back to January 1, 2023

Let’s just say I am praying to Lord Almighty that this year is full of unlimited blessings, happiness, and success. A year filled with more highs then lows. A year where I feel as though I came out on a top. A year where I step into my purpose.

At that time, I had no idea how 2023 was to unfold. I was full of hope for a year of joy and fulfillment. And white it didn’t turn out the way I imagined, 2023 became the start of blessings in the most unexpected ways.

Unexpected Blessings in the Midst of Pain

In March 2023, my husband started experiencing discomfort during Ramadan. By May, we received the devastating news: Stage IV colon cancer. The diagnosis shattered us, but we were hopeful. We both have a strong belief in God’s will and even in that moment of heartbreak, God gave us something that not everyone gets … time. Some people barely get a chance to say goodbye. We were given 15 months together, a gift I don’t take for granted.

Those 15 months gave us the space to talk in ways we never had before. We reminisced about how we met. We shared how deeply we felt about one another, not that we didn’t before, but it was on another level. We talked about the things that mattered most, even the hard conversations.

I’m grateful for the small, everyday moment: going on walks and to the park with the kids, watching games together, crowding into the bed with the kids, and simply being together as a family. I’m thankful that my husband was able to return to Nigeria one last time to see his mom, sister, family, and friends. I’m happy we celebrated our daughter’s first birthday with a party, even though we didn’t know it would be our last.

And I’ll never forget the quiet moments, cuddling in bed, taking selfies, just hanging out together. My husband never changed who he was, not even in sickness. He was the same man I fell in love with from the beginning, and I am so grateful to have experienced our love.

The Pain of Starting 2025 Without Him

Now, as I prepare to start a new year, I can’t lie it feels so strange. Starting a year without him hurts in ways I can’t even put into words. The days keep passing, and part of me doesn’t want to move forward. But here I am, waking up every day, doing what needs to be done, and somehow keep it together.

I still cal him my husband. Not because I’m trying to hold on, but because that’s who he is to me. Widowhood is a label I never thought I’d wear at 35. It’s confusing and painful to navigate. Am I single? Am I married? I don’t know. All I know is that he’ll always be my husband in my heart.

Faith, Grief, and Moving Forward

Throughout this journey, my faith has been my anchor. I’ve often repeated the words Hasbuna La wa ni’mal wakeel which means, God is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs. These words carried me through the darkest moments, even when the tears wouldn’t stop.

Grief is not something you move past; it’s something you carry. It doesn’t mean I’m broken; it means I loved deeply. As I’ve learned, some things cannot be fixed, they can only be carried. And that’s okay.

There is no “right” way to grieve. It’s not about being sad forever or moving on as if nothing happened. It’s about finding a middle ground, living as best as you can, and being kind to yourself. Learning to live alongside the grief, giving myself grace, and cherishing the love that remains.

Looking ahead to 2025

Starting a new year without him feels wrong. I hate it. But here I am. And as I face the unknown of 2025, I carry with me the love, memories, and lessons he gave me.

This year, I want to continue my journey of healing and find new ways to honor his memory. I want to cherish every moment, just as we always tried to do. I want to hold on to faith, knowing that this world is temporary and that God’s plan is greater than anything I can imagine.

To anyone reading this who is also navigating loss, I want to hear from you. How have you found healing during hard times? What kept you grounded? Please share your thoughts in the comments. Your words might inspire someone else or even me.

Final Reflections

As I close this chapter, I am reminded of our last meaningful moments together: celebrating our daughter’s birthday, cuddling in bed, and simply being present. These memories are treasures I will carry with me always.

I’ll never forget his love, his strength, his strong strong faith in Allah, and the way he made me feel whole. While I hate that our story ended, I know it hasn’t really ended at all. His memory lives on in me, in our children, and in the life we built together.

To grieve is to love. And as I step into 2025, I carry that love with me, trusting in God’s plan and finding my way forward. One day at a time.

Always with love,